Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
