What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
