I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
