apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
