You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
