OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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