I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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