Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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