Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
