Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
