it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
