he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
