I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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