I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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