Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
