FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
