just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
