Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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