The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
3 2 1 whiskey
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
