so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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