if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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