We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
