i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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