How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
