i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
