I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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