Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
