Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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