Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
