That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
