Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
