so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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