you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
