end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
