the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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