I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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