I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
