You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
