so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
