If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
