I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is it penis luge time yet?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
