It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
