This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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