There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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