so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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