I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
