just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
