He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
