There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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