i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
