Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We left the knife in your bed.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
