I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it penis luge time yet?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
