oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
