it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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